Trigger warning: Contains strong content and references to sexual abuse.

One thing that society knows how to do is create expectations. Another is to make judgments. When it comes to women, our behaviours are a public matter. The choices and private lives of women are political. They are discussed on TV and subjects of laws. How we dress, use our bodies, who we kiss, if we choose to have babies or not, what we eat, all seem to be matters everyone has an opinion about.

To decide for someone is to dominate. What easier way is there to repress than by giving orders?

Feminism, as it can be seen today, can ironically perpetuate this archaic habit of telling women what to do. Women can be told to dress up, “be the rich man”, be the boss, travel, earn money, masturbate, don’t wear pink… All of those are still rules and are still telling women what we think they should do to be good feminists; good, emancipated women. We trade patriarchal stranglehold for a feminist one.

What if today we decided collectively to stop telling women – starting with yourself if you’re one – who to be and what they should do? What if feminism was in the end the absence of rules? Ladies, release the brake. For one day, eat that piece of cake, dance in the street, laugh loudly, ask that guy out. Nota bene: Those are ideas, not injunctions.

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Obviously, we shall not cross a limit as injunctions of patriarchy are ensured by fear. What does Sarah Everard’s story, murdered and raped on March, 3 2021 in the streets of London by police officer Wayne Couzens, tells us? It shows us to be careful, to tame our actions, it keeps us under control when society fails to ensure our safety. Feminicides, harassment, assaults, domestic abuse, wage inequalities, rapes, daily micro-aggressions, make sure we’re not too comfortable to act freely.

I’ve been sexually harassed my whole life, at work, in my family, even when I am just trying to walk home. Once a man in the street stood masturbating as he watched me pass by. My body has been touched multiple times without my consent in public spaces. A few guys have called me a b***h because I did not want to give them my phone number. I’ve been made invisible for jobs I did, I’ve been under-paid, or not paid at all for hours of work. I’ve suffered from an eating disorder. I’ve been abused, emotionally and physically.

As many women – if not all of them – I still try to live a normal life, without always feeling threatened or wary. Today, we celebrate women who manage to keep going despite society and not with the support of it. We celebrate our persistence, resilience, and strength to thrive under patriarchy. That’s what it takes to be a woman, apart from lipsticks and bras. Happy International Women’s Day.

Juliette Fevre is a London-based journalist and filmmaker.